I have worked with adolescents in several different residential settings with reactive attachment disorder: its marked by a relationship style with caregivers of "I'll reject you before you can reject me". It is formed in the child's early years in multiple different ways, one of which is having the child's caregiver meet the child's needs inconsistently. So a child on this path has learned that he cannot rely on his parent for anything, because if he does, he may get disappointed, so he stops seeking his caregiver for emotional nurturance. Anyway, a few months ago a 4 yr old boy came into the shelter where I work with beginning signs of this disorder: he never sought physical contact, even when he was in pain, or sad. When his mother came to visit him there was no outward sign that he knew who she was, was glad to see her, or sad to leave her when the visit ended. I have had a particularly difficult opening my heart to this little boy, as he rejected every effort on my part to form a bond, and he rarely did what is asked of him.
Well starting about 10 days ago, he started randomly saying, "I wanna sit in your lap" and when he gets hurt or his feelings are sad he has started coming to me for comfort. Yesterday, for the first time, I asked him if he would come sit on my lap, and as he did, I rested my chin on his head and thought there was hope for him after all, and perhaps for me as well.
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